~nik~ (forevertomorrow) wrote,

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life and love's bitch

I came to a realization the other day. If my life were a book or a TV show I know exactly which man I'd be rooting for to be "the one" for me. (And don't start guessing, he doesn't go to St. Michael's, I doubt he's even heard of it.) I look back and see the perfect path that we have created. A path filled with love, misunderstanding, heartbreak and laughter. He would be the perfect, and logical ending.

But life is not a book or a TV show. Life is a fucked up reality. Even after realizing all of this, he is *not* who I want. Not in the slightest. I mean, he's wonderful and all, and it would be horribly convenient (and equally romantic) but that's not the ending--not my ending. And I am very glad for that. I'm not even factoring God's plan into this at all. I just realized that sitting on the sidelines and playing the game I find myself rooting for entirely different teams.

Which brings me to think... am I trying to sabotage myself? Do I find some hidden joy in being love's underdog? No. It's just that the easy, perfect answer isn't always the right one.

People are not always going to be around. Those who you love will eventually leave you in one form or the other and there is not a damn thing we can do about it.

I don't seem to want anything until it is gone. Well I lost something and for the first time I want something big in return. Selfish as it may seem, I want collateral. And I feel like the thing I want for collateral is always just two steps ahead of me, but if it weren't out of reach... would I still want it?


You're like Lucas...you sweet heart you.
You are a sweet natured loner who has to deal
with a lot of stress day in and day out. You
deal with and have to face people daily who
constantly try to tear you down but you are
strong and face them head on. You are honest
and loving, and those that you allow to know
you know that they can always depend on you and
lean on you for your strength. You arn't used
to being in the spotlight and when you are put
into a position when all eyes are on you you
might make a few decisions you regret later.
Don't let those who cut you down turn you into
everything you hate, hold on strong to who you
are and never forget what got you to where you
are today.

What Teen On ONE TREE HILL Are You Like Most?
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